Sunday, September 13, 2009

Are You A Stingy Bitch?

Everyone knows what a stingy bitch is like. Or at least they think they do. The coffee shop gal who didn't put enough foam on your decaf cap - stingy bitch. The great aunt who always hinted that you would inherit her ruby broach, only to learn your sinister sister-in-law now sports it - stingy bitches. The friend who always suggests dinner but is always just a few dollars short of her share of the tab - short enough that only you will notice - stingy - well, you get the idea.

The truth is, while all these experiences are unpleasant - and you feel everything from mildly ripped off to somewhat violated - the truth is that there is only one stingy bitch here. And baby, that better be you.

To be a stingy bitch, it takes more than just being frugal, cheap, aggressive, or brash. It takes real balls, 'cause there are few labels as mean and unflattering as SB. And yet, the SB life is one of the most rewarding you can live. Few people are as liked and admired as a clever and couth SB. An SB is in fact often generous, kind-hearted, and charitable. She will often pick up the tab at coffee, make something gorgeous for the office bake sale, and go out of her way to support a charity event. But she'll do it on her terms - terms that are smart, cunning, and honed towards success and survival.

Ever present a friend with a birthday gift of flowers - after scrounging through the discount 'n' dying (D'n'D) bin, removing the roughage, and jazzing it up with a bespoke bow? Ever have a barrista remake your latte because they forgot the vanilla in the first one - then take that very same unacceptable (to you!) latte in to a tired co-worker as treat? Do you smile sweetly at their happy surprise and bask in the glow of your somewhat dubious behavior? Congratulation - you're a Stingy Bitch - and it feels great!

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